youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
