No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
