You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
