I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
