This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
