You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
