I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
