let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
