I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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