yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize