I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
