I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
