i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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