I feel like I'm in dance class right now
home. puking in laundry basket.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
