I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
