I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize