New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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