its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
