I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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