Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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