Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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