I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
