I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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