im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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