That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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