Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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