The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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