We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
