you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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