I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
