things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
