i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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