apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
