It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
