I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize