I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
