Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize