I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
