i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
