bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
