this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
