JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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