How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
