It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
as a side note pls kill me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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