i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
