Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
