not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
