I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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