i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
