i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
3pm strippers are depressing
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
