So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
