Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
