The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
