im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
