Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
