Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
