just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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