That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
