you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
