The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
