I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
