Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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