Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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