It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
