I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
