the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
