So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
