I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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