just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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