I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
